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Filtered dictionary
A physics-defying catastrophe where the stickiest, most absorbent part of a breakfast item violently meets a filthy rug.
Read full entry →The terrifying realization that a hyperactive animal is about to wipe three pounds of wet dirt across your clean white jeans.
Read full entry →A tragic, physics-defying culinary catastrophe where the stickiest, most absorbent part of a breakfast item violently meets a filthy floor.
Read full entry →The frantic, high-speed pocket search for a plastic sack while an elderly resident glares at you through their front window.
Read full entry →The deep, irrational sting of rejection felt when a passing golden retriever refuses to acknowledge your high-pitched 'hello'.
Read full entry →The malicious canine instinct to bypass 400 square feet of easily washable laminate flooring to deposit stomach acid onto a Persian rug.
Read full entry →A small, spontaneous image sent purely to signal that a partner crossed someone's mind during their day.
Read full entry →A jarring, unexpectedly loud explosion that makes every dog on the street bark simultaneously and shakes the windows.
Read full entry →A minor but genuine sting of jealousy triggered by a pet's uncontrollable excitement over a visiting friend.
Read full entry →Pleasant and engaging but seemingly incapable of recognising the natural end point of a chat.
Read full entry →Obsessively focused on pedantic corrections of others' spelling and punctuation in situations that call for neither.
Read full entry →An apocalyptic expulsion of air unique to fathers over fifty, delivered with zero warning and maximum decibels.
Read full entry →A cruel, psychological trick played on a loyal companion purely for the fleeting amusement of seeing them look confused.
Read full entry →The extortion of dairy or meat products by a hovering, manipulative animal utilizing weaponized puppy-dog eyes.
Read full entry →A devastating audio trick played by a Netflix drama that triggers a ten-minute barking fit and ruins the evening peace.
Read full entry →A high-speed, panic-stricken dash to relocate a retching animal before they permanently stain the expensive rug.
Read full entry →An uncomfortably prolonged physical restraint masquerading as family warmth, usually deployed at Christmas.
Read full entry →The painful, chest-bursting restraint of panting designed to trick a passing dog walker into thinking you are in peak athletic shape.
Read full entry →A suburban declaration of war authored by an infuriated homeowner tired of strangers utilizing their waste receptacle.
Read full entry →A terrifying acoustic event that prompts residents to army-crawl away from the windows to avoid interacting with whatever is on the porch.
Read full entry →The tactical loitering in a supermarket used to wait out a slow shopper who is blocking the item you actually want.
Read full entry →A narcissistic parasite who hijacks a funeral, illness, or breakup to harvest sympathy and attention for their own minor inconveniences.
Read full entry →A canine Oscar-winning performance designed to convince a second human that the first human forgot breakfast.
Read full entry →An inexplicable, demonic possession that compels a dog or cat to run parkour off the walls at 3 AM.
Read full entry →The dictionary is still being written
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