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Filtered dictionary
A vicious corporate phrase utilized to publicly shame a coworker who was clearly not paying attention during the meeting.
Read full entry →The polite, written equivalent of tapping on a sign, translating directly to 'I already answered this, you absolute clown.'
Read full entry →A message designed with malicious joy, ensuring the sender's colleagues know they are drinking cocktails while the recipient rots in a cubicle.
Read full entry →The utterly pointless corporate role of intercepting instructions, adding zero value, and demanding updates on progress.
Read full entry →The reckless, unhinged mass deletion of messages, fueled by the hope that if anything was actually important, they will email again.
Read full entry →A devastating, career-ending corporate error where an employee accidentally broadcasts a snarky complaint to the 5,000-person global directory.
Read full entry →The exhausting, labyrinthine process of trying to stop spam emails that requires logging into an account you created in 2012.
Read full entry →A blatant falsehood from a courier claiming your package is secure, when it has actually been hurled directly into a neighbor's recycling bin.
Read full entry →The meticulous, paranoid documentation of every corporate conversation to ensure you cannot be scapegoated for an upcoming disaster.
Read full entry →The excruciating feeling of a boss breathing down your neck to watch you type an email they could have sent themselves.
Read full entry →A sharp pang of resentment triggered by reading that a colleague has limited access to emails because they are in Tuscany.
Read full entry →A cowardly software feature utilized to banish a difficult task back into the ether until tomorrow.
Read full entry →A national phenomenon where the workforce simply stops answering emails and stares vacantly at the clock.
Read full entry →The snide, cowardly escalation of a minor workplace disagreement to upper management via the copy field.
Read full entry →A deliberately misleading introduction to a massive, multi-layered problem that will ruin your entire afternoon.
Read full entry →An invisible wave of depression that washes over a workforce upon learning they must bowl with their manager on a Thursday.
Read full entry →A terrifying physical manifestation of impatience that completely defeats the asynchronous purpose of email.
Read full entry →A meaningless string of text used to soften the blow of the aggressive demands that immediately follow it.
Read full entry →The polite, written equivalent of tapping on a sign, pointing out that you already answered their stupid question.
Read full entry →A corporate fabrication designed to cover up the fact that you read the message, hated it, and ignored it until guilt set in.
Read full entry →A corporate email closer that washes the sender's hands of all responsibility until the recipient decides to reply.
Read full entry →A pathetic, groveling opening sentence used by people terrified of taking up space in a colleague's inbox.
Read full entry →The digital equivalent of running to the teacher, executed by insecure employees trying to cover their own mistakes.
Read full entry →The careless detonation of 5,000 notifications across an entire corporation by someone who does not understand how email works.
Read full entry →The dictionary is still being written
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