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Filtered dictionary
The immediate collective anxiety triggered by corporate euphemism ahead of an unwelcome company announcement.
Read full entry →The reliable, malicious tendency of office equipment to fail spectacularly only under time pressure.
Read full entry →A slow, excruciating video-call ritual in which each person's total lack of general knowledge is broadcast individually.
Read full entry →An awkward digital standoff where everyone waits politely for someone else to click the red button first.
Read full entry →A sudden demand for visual presence sprung on employees who assumed they could get away with pyjamas today.
Read full entry →A non-committal gesture of recognition performed to avoid the crushing social cost of full eye contact with a near-stranger.
Read full entry →The horrifying realisation that you have been mouthing an entire pitch to a silent, judging grid of colleagues.
Read full entry →A traumatic auditory hallucination induced by corporate burnout, causing you to flinch when no computer is even in the room.
Read full entry →The strategic, defensive occupation of your own Outlook diary with a bogus 'Focus Time' block to prevent useless syncs.
Read full entry →A vicious corporate phrase utilized to publicly shame a coworker who was clearly not paying attention during the meeting.
Read full entry →The frantic, preemptive destruction of browser evidence (ASOS, Reddit, flights to Spain) right before a Zoom presentation.
Read full entry →The selfish managerial habit of booking completely arbitrary time slots to simulate a high-stress, vital work environment.
Read full entry →The corporate disease where a topic that could be resolved in a two-minute chat is stretched to justify middle management's existence.
Read full entry →The high-stakes art of holding perfectly still and making a weird face on a video call to simulate network failure.
Read full entry →The slick, sociopathic managerial act of stealing a subordinate's hard work and presenting it to the directors to get a bonus.
Read full entry →A modern psychological affliction resulting from forced eye contact with a grid of badly lit coworkers.
Read full entry →A digital shield used to protect your peace from a colleague who refuses to type their question into the chat.
Read full entry →A gravelly, embarrassing vocal malfunction that ruins your attempt to sound professional on a video call.
Read full entry →A polite managerial silencing tactic used to stop two nerds arguing about a minor technical detail.
Read full entry →The selfish hijacking of 'any other business?' by someone who loves the sound of their own voice, preventing everyone from going home.
Read full entry →A cynical mental game played by exhausted employees to survive corporate jargon without screaming out loud.
Read full entry →The strategic deployment of a fictitious, untraceable stomach bug to secure a mental health day without using annual leave.
Read full entry →The spineless, sickening display of sycophancy utilized by a corporate climber who lacks actual talent or morals.
Read full entry →A moment of pure, homicidal tech-rage induced by a computer deliberately sabotaging you at the worst possible moment.
Read full entry →The dictionary is still being written
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